#SurvivingRKelly
I recently watched the sequel to LifeTime’s Suriving R. Kelly, Surviving R. Kelly- Part II: The Reckoning. The five-part documentary serves as a recap for a few of the women featured in the first season, while introducing us to new victims such as Lanita Carter and Tiffany Hawkins. It also gives viewers a rundown of the moments leading up to the documentaries’ premiere, the backlash following its’ release, and the movement’s progress. While watching all of this, I couldn’t help but feel a wave of frustration, uncomfortability, and disgust. Which inspired me to re-watch the first season and write this. There are so many layers to this story, so bear with me.
R. Kelly has been an intricate part of the black community since 12 play. So many of us have “step[ped] in the name of love” at family functions or heard our parents blast “Ignition (Remix)”. And if you’re anything like me, this is all you knew of R. Kelly. These beautiful moments with his songs playing in the background. Songs that we now know were recollections of his sexual encounters with underage girls. Encounters that started as early as 12 years old for some of the women.
Robert Kelly is a very sick man, diabolical even. He is the worst kind of predator. He preyed on young BLACK girls that were battered, bruised, lonely, and abused – just like him. He preyed on young impressionable girls who just wanted to be stars. He preyed on young impressionable girls who were grasping on to any piece of love they could get, because he made them believe his love was the only love. That no one else loved and cared about them. He made them isolate themselves. That is the worst type of manipulation, and for that this man deserves nothing but a life sentence.
Granted, it is horrible that he was molested at a young age. Hearing about his abusive childhood from his brothers Bruce and Carey Kelly made my stomach churn. I even found myself feeling sorry for this man, and wanting to say “well, maybe he didn’t mean it”. And then I realized that is the same manipulation tactic he used on his victims that they used to justify his abuse at the time. No child should ever be taken advantage of sexually, boy or girl. But that DOES NOT give you the license to sexually abuse other people. R. Kelly’s childhood trauma is not leverage; it should not be used to victimize him. He is a predator.
We cannot separate the man, or the “Pied Piper of R&B”, from the music. Aaliyah is one of the biggest examples of that. R. Kelly wrote and produced some of her biggest hits of her early career. Most infamously, “Age Ain’t Nothing but A Number” which is ironically written from a girls’ perspective about trying to lure an older man into having sex with her despite her being underage. He later married her when she was 15 with false papers that said she was 18. Or how about “Bump N’ Grind”? Everybody’s favorite part, “My mind’s telling me no, but my body, my body’s telling me yes”, what could that mean? Exactly. But the best one is “Hair Braider”. This particular song is about R. Kelly having sex with his hair braider. And of course, this story is also real. Lanita Carter was R. Kelly’s hair braider in the early 2000s. In the documentary, she tells her account of R. Kelly’s assault which involved spitting on her, then forcing her to perform fellatio on him until he ejaculated on her face. So explain to me how someone can blatantly ignore songwriting that explicitly reveals his predatory behavior because “it’s just a song”. I’ll be waiting.
The worst of it all is the level the black community will go to protect him. Following the release of season one of “Surviving R. Kelly”, there have been countless excuses made for this man. “Where were the parents?” “What kind of parents are they to let their underage children go to a grown man’s concert?” “Where were the people around him who enabled his behavior instead of giving him help?” And these are all understandable questions. But these are also cop-outs. Blaming the victims’ parents for the trauma that was inflicted on their daughters is similar to blaming a rape victim for going to the scene of her rape - because of course, she had to know that she would be raped. Some even blamed the victims, calling them “fast” and saying “they knew what they were there for”. It makes absolutely no sense. I do agree that the people who helped him carry on his acts are equally as disgusting and deserve to be UNDER a jail cell just like him, but they should not take all of the blame for this. ROBERT KELLY PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSED THESE WOMEN. ROBERT KELLY SEXUALLY ASSAULTED THESE WOMEN. ROBERT KELLY MANIPULATED THESE WOMEN. The producers, managers, assistants, etc. were only helping him be what he already was. Honestly, just as they should be punished and scrutinized, so should the very people making excuses for R. Kelly. They have brushed his actions under the rug as “false allegations” for decades, called these women liars, and showed undeniable support for him. They have also given him the resources to carry on these heinous acts on 13, 14, 15-year-old girls. They gave him the money and the access. They made him think he was untouchable. So, to whomever shares this ignorant sentiment, you are just as bad as the very people you’re blaming. Why is it so hard for you to finally support these women and believe the facts you ran from for over 30 years?
To the women who have been victims of the wrongdoings of Robert Kelly, on behalf of the black community, the justice system, hell it seems like the entire world: I am so sorry. I am incredibly sorry that no one believed you. I am so sorry to Lanita Carter for the shame you felt after looking in that mirror. I am so sorry to Jovante Cunningham for the simple fact that no one protected you, and you were taken advantage of because you were a young black girl with dreams. I am so sorry to Tiffany Hawkins for not being believed when you initially shared your story. I am so sorry to Stephanie “Sparkle” Edwards for being shut out of your own family for telling you and your niece’s truth. I am so sorry to Lisa Van Allen for the unspeakable things he made you do. I am so sorry to Aaliyah. This one hurts the most. I am so sorry that you were taken advantage of in front of millions of people and still, no one saw you. No one saw what he was doing to you. I am so sorry to Faith Rodgers for the threats you received for simply telling your story and being brave enough to be vulnerable. I am so sorry to Dominique Gardner for being stripped of your innocence. I am so sorry to Andrea Kelly for falling victim to a broken man’s story. I am so sorry to Jerhonda Pace for the way this man crippled you and made you feel like you were anything less than beautiful. I am sorry to Lizzette Martinez for being made to feel like an object and left to die alone. I am so sorry to all of the women that are not able to tell the story of what this man has done to them as girls. I am so sorry for all of the trauma and emotional/mental instability you’ve lived with for years from experiences that have changed you forever. None of you deserved any of this. None of you brought this on yourself.
“He destroyed a lot of people,” said Jovante Cunningham in Surviving R. Kelly. “A lot of people who loved and adored him. And, I can’t stress to you enough how people are still suffering behind things that went on 20 years ago.”